What They Don't Tell You About Study Abroad
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It is not easy.
There are going to be moments when you are so homesick that you find yourself regretting studying abroad. You question spending so much money on an experience that you just aren’t feeling anymore. Maybe you made a mistake?
No! You refuse to believe that. You’ve been planning this trip of a lifetime since before you started college, telling all that would listen the places you’d explore. You did the research and knew what to expect. Or did you?
You left the airport full of glee, thinking about the new friends you would make and the memories you would come to cherish.
You worked all summer at that retail job you hated or at that restaurant where you counted the minutes until you’re shift would be over. Why? To save up every penny just so you could blow it on your trip. You were going to buy a gift for each one of your friends and family members and go on side trips every weekend.
But that’s not how it turned out, huh?
Study abroad is not easy— it is not for everyone. For awhile, I was feeling blue and thought that maybe what I was experiencing was common. Perhaps past study abroad students had also had a difficult time adjusting. I scoured the internet and found very little that helped.
Being in a new place and not having control of the new experiences that came my way was overwhelming and sent me into a mini blue episode. I started regretting coming to China and, worst of all, resenting those around me. Thoughts like, “How dare they stare at me that way!” or, “Why do you have to spit on the street?” and, “Brush your teeth!” dominated my thoughts during this unhealthy period. I had fallen into a trap that I couldn’t get myself out of. I was not living up to being the kind of traveler I imagined myself to be. I became disappointed and disgusted in myself and just wanted to go home. I wanted to hug my mom. I wanted my little brother to annoy me again. I wanted my dad to tease me. I missed everyone! My best friends— my sisters! Ugh… my DOG! My goodness I missed my dog. Out of everyone he’s the only one I can’t contact because he doesn’t recognize my voice over FaceTime. This all really took a toll on me and I am sure I am not the only one.
There are those of you out there who are studying abroad or are preparing to and I want to write this post for you. If you’ve already gone abroad, I hope you will use the comment section below to share your experience and tips to fend off homesickness, culture shock, and share what you did to cope when you were feeling blue. It would be greatly appreciated.
1 - Journal Writing
Nicholle Kobi Artwork
This is not the first time I am saying it and it certainly won’t be the last. The power of the written word is enormously cathartic! I started journaling when I was eight years old and have committed to it on and off over the years. Since starting high school though, I’ve become much more disciplined about it.
There’s something phenomenally therapeutic about grounding yourself. When your emotions are all over the place and you feel as though no one understands you or what you’re going through; it helps to lay out your feelings and attempt to make sense of it all. As my gorgeous, poetess friend, Samantha Teta, once said,
There is a part of me that knows things and there is a part of me that feels things. Writing is how I create harmony.
Please take the time to check out her beautiful poetry on:
If writing isn’t your salve, do what does remedy your anxious feelings. Go running, write music or poetry, listen to music. The important part is identifying your emotions.
Feeling discombobulated or disorganized tends to make me feel blue, that’s just how I’m wired. So, laying out my feelings with a purple pen in scribbly words that I’m sure others would be hard-pressed to decipher helps me greatly. I come back to it later, once I’ve calmed down, and find that I am finally able recognize exactly what I am feeling. I can’t help myself without knowing and understanding what’s wrong. That would be like asking for a doctor’s diagnosis without actually setting up an appointment to see her.
2 - Get Outside
Getting myself out of my funk required a change of pace and scenery. Shanghai was starting to grate at me and I couldn’t handle it. As hard as it was for my to come to terms with that, it was important that I did. So, I set out to Xi’an, China!! If you read my post on that, then you know exactly how much fun I had there. I came back feeling refreshed and ready to start anew. That trip also gave me the opportunity to see the people around me in a whole new light.
I propose that you do the same. Change your environment! Maybe shaking things up is what you need. Go by yourself (be safe!!!) or with a travel companion that doesn’t stress you out. Don’t challenge yourself to see as many sights as possible because if you don’t end up checking off each place on your list, you’ll just add more stress onto your plate. Do what feels good. Go for a walk and explore the new city, order something different at a cute restaurant, or even go on one of those “bus around the city” tours where all your tasked with doing is looking at the window! The point is: take this time to relax and find your bearings.
What if you can’t afford a side trip? Then I would suggest taking public transportation to a different part of the town you live in! Ride the train to a stop you haven’t check out and take a leisurely walk around. Don’t invite anybody if you don’t want to. For me, it was important that I kept my excursions to myself. Of course, for safety purposes, I would share the details with my group leader but, no one else. It was time for me to take care of me and get myself back on track because no one else would.
3 - Stop Playing Victim
Nicholle Kobi Artwork
One of my first blog posts tackled being Black in China and how frustrating it can be. I allowed my frustration to grow and before long, it went too far. I became the victim. I started nurturing this unhealthy rhetoric that everything was happening to me and that I had no say in how I was being treated. I was aggrandizing my blue episode by dramatizing and buying into my social marginalization and the cultural oppression I felt I was experiencing.
Though you may not be Black or studying abroad in a country where you are considered rare, perhaps you’ve been feeling left out or let down. Maybe your host family isn’t living up to the expectations you had for them. Or perhaps the new people around you haven’t been as welcoming as you thought they would be.
For a little while, allow yourself to wallow. Everyone deserves and needs time to feel and be in the moment. But after a week… it’s time to snap out of it. It’s your responsibility to prevent yourself from falling off the rails.
All those who truly know me know that I am a strong believer in the power of perspective. Changing our perception for the better about the difficult situations we find ourselves in can save us precious hours, weeks, and even months of overthinking, heartache, worry, and hurt. I started changing my narrative by redirecting my earlier rhetoric. I was allowing everything to happen to me. I had every say in how I was being treated.
I stopped putting a top on the box to the power I held. I owned up to the areas of my life in which I was failing myself and decided to make a big change in how I approached every new circumstance that met me. I stopped accepting invitations to events that I knew wouldn’t make me feel any better. I stopped allowing the stares and pointing to bother me, instead choosing to ignore them. I sought out experiences I had been wanting to try, but had been to enveloped in my own victimhood to seek. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and created situations that I knew would make me happy, or at the very least would stop stressing me out.
I suggest leaving the boundaries of your emotional solitude and venturing out into the new country or city you find yourself in. I guarantee that there are a plethora of sights, moments, events, people, etc… waiting to be found, experienced, and met by you.
4 - Introduce Yourself
Nikki’s Groove Artwork
Now that you have worked through the tough part, it’s time to get yourself back out there! During the healing process, we’re vulnerable. Personally, I feel it’s important that we go through this time alone, especially considering that most of us are alone when we study abroad and don’t have any trusted friends with us. Once the hard work has been done and we’re out of crisis mode, it’s time to remember why we studied abroad in the first place!
Introduce yourself to the cool kids in some of your classes, ask them to join in on a group project so that you’ll get a chance to know them better. Join different school clubs. Maybe your local cafe does poetry reading nights? Go! Say hi to the artists and make it a point to acquaint yourself with the waitresses and owner. Become a part of the community. Even though you’re only a part-time citizen in your new country, there’s nothing stopping you from making your presence felt. In China, it’s a little hard for me to do this because the community is pretty cut-off from foreigners. Speaking the language is a huge plus, but since I don’t, I’ve reached out to other international students at Fudan. These kids are some of the nicest and coolest I’ve met and I am grateful to get the chance to know them.
Use the tools around you to make the best of this opportunity. Use your kindness, genuine interest in others, exuberance, … all of it! You’re bound to attract amazing people and experiences.
Of course, in the event that you are going through something much more serious than a blue episode, I strongly suggest you seek out professional services. Contact your study abroad program’s group leader. Contact your home university’s study abroad office and mental health services. You can’t just “work through” clinical depression or anything else that is serious. Your health is always more important than finishing your study abroad program. Know that everyone I mentioned above is on your side and wants you to be O.K. Let them help you
The advice I offered worked for me, but they may not work for everyone so I would love for you all to share your insights. Please feel free to share your thoughts, tips, and tricks down below in the comment section!
